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February 13, 2008

Edward Witney – Adams Muda

Filed under: Edward Witney - Adams Muda — barondestructo @ 3:47 am
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July 8, 2007

I received an email from Mr. Adams Muda an accountant and accounts manager to a Mr. Edward Witney who was killed in an earthquake in Asia last year, leaving behind no family to speak of and, oh yeah, $182 million dollars. Alas, to get his hands on the money, the enterprising accountant requires a foreign partner. Which is where I come in. Would I be interested in helping him out? My response:

“Adams, you fool, I‘m not dead! It’s me, Edward Witney! I did not perish in that terrible earthquake. Instead, I was struck in the head by a falling sad clown painting, lost my memory, and spent the latter part of 2006 wandering the beaches convinced I was Dano from the old Hawaii Five-0 series. Over the course of the past few months, between arresting rogue surfers and opening my second Crab Shack Café, I have had my memory return in bits and pieces. I am happy to say that your helpful email has successfully illuminated whatever dark passages still remained.

And so, please be advised. This weekend, I will be returning home so that I can resume my life, reunite with my $182 million dollars and, oh yes, fire your ass.

Yours in bitter hatred,

Edward Witney”

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