October 14, 2008
Yesterday, I received an email from a Miss Florance Michael, the daughter of a reputable “busness magnet” (sic) who mysteriously passed away in france during a business trip on May 5th of 2007: “Though is sudden death was linkd or rather suspected to have been masterminded by an uncle of his who traveled with him at that time. But God knows the truth!” However, it’s not all bad news for Florance. Apparently, her father bequeathed her the sum of USD$8 7000 000. For some reason known only to her, she has decided to entrust me with the task of investing the funds for her.”
I let Cookie Monster handle this one…
“Hello dere,
Cookie Monster feel very sorry for FloMic. Fodder was busness magnet? What means? He attracted to publik transport? Ha ha. Is little joke to lighten mood after horrible loss of parent.
Me just open A1 Detektiv Agency to solve crime like murder, robery, and who take Cookie Monster shoes from hallway (Exciting mystery solved. Me forgot on top of refrijerator!). Circkumstances of FloMic fodder deth seem very suspishus. Iz first time Cookie Monster ever hear of anyone die in France. Just coincidents? Me no tink so either. Is recovered what parts of daddy body? Iz very important to know so me can start investigashun wit funny line like carakter of John Grisham in CSI. Like if iz foot, den me can say “Dere’s murder afoot!” or if only eyeball den say “Will need to keep eye out for killer” or if testes me can say “Dis murderer testes Cookie Monster patience.” Also good body bits for clever saying = humerous, rektum, cokksiks, veins, ganglia and fallopeean.
Even if uncle only suspect, need more to round out case and make more interesting. If not able to find any, den me will provide. From experience of watch detektiv show, tink 5-6 perfekt number of suspects: uncle, bizness partner, sexy secretary, cousin who collekt model train, and maybe butler. Iz even better if murder take place in manshion or big house wit secret room and attic where clown hide. Sight of sailing regatta or award show also good. In small apartment or on street not good for Cookie Monster.
If FloMic no mind, me need expenses paid up front. Tickets to France for Cookie Monster and suspects, suite at Plaza-Athenee (where used to stay when me date Vanessa Paradis), meals, irresponsable shopping spree, and misillaneous expense. 8.7 million collars just about cover it.
Send check and me get started.
And no worry. Cookie Monster on de case!
Love,
Cookie Monster
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