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June 19, 2008

Cookie Monster – John Max

Filed under: Cookie Monster - John Max — barondestructo @ 8:41 pm
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March 30, 2008

My Cookie Monster yahoo account received some bittersweet news today in the form of an email from John Max who was contacting Cookie to remind him of a recent passing. “..you were listed as a beneficiary to the total sum of £10,600,000.00GBP (Ten Million Six Hundred Thousand British Pounds) in the codicil and last testament of the deceased. (Name now withheld since this is our second letter to you).” Tragic. Cookie Monster wrote back:

“Name witheld because dis be second letter to me? WDFC?! (What de fudge cookie?!) How monster supposed to know who dead? Maybe me guess and if Monster close, you say “Warm! Warmer! You burning up!” and if way off base you say “Cold! Colder! Icy cold like corpse of dead relative!” Okay, first guess be: German cheese baron Uncle Adolph Muenster because he old and sicklier den Count after weekend bender in Tijuana. Declared dead and buried three times already but feisty old coot always find way to wake up in time and claw way out of casket. Good for him but disappointing for family who have to cancel funeral and give back presents. To avoid repeat problem, wife suggest put doorbell inside casket so if he wake up again, only have to ring for service instead of get nails dirty. But custom casket too expensive. Turn out cremation cheaper alternative! Anyhoo, so sad if true. Poor uncle Meunster. But 10 600 000 pounds help dull pain. Still, Cookie Monster need to know who move on to great chipwich factory in de sky. Want to avoid confusion like last time when me contacted as benefissary but turn out have no relation to Herman Munster. Boy, Eddie pissed!

John Max write: “We therefore reckoned that you could receive these funds…” You “reckoned“? You no own shoes and eat possum too? Heehaw! Hey, is coincidents. Cookie Monster work part time as hillbilly wedding planner. Very easy to organize because always de same guest list.

Best regards to your wife/sister.

Sincerely,

Cookie Monster”

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