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February 13, 2008

Cookie Monster – Agnes Johnson

Filed under: Cookie Monster - Agnes Johnson — barondestructo @ 4:10 am
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October 27, 2007

Cookie Monster received an email from poor, down-on-her-luck Agnes Johnson in Sierra Leone who lost everything (father, mother, two brothers, and most of her worldly possessions) in a rebel attack. Agnes explains: “I have seen war and I have seenpeace, I have seen riches and I have seen people die..” She now lives in a refugee camp in Senegal but is desperate for someone to help her access her late father’s fortune ($85 million). She instructs: “you will open an account for me there in your country and keep the whole money into the account then i will come over there and stay with you or you can buy a good aparment for me over there.”

Cookie Monster wrote back:

“Hello Agnes,

Cookie Monster understand. Like you, he see war, peace, riches, and people die. But not in Sierra Leone. On t.v. show Falcon Crest. Is with Jane Wyman and Lorenzo Lamas. Remember episode where Maggie, Chase, and Richard follow evil baby-kidnapper Melissa into San Francisco Bay and Chase save baby and Melissa but he not come back up? (so sad). Or time Maggie die when wedding ring get caught in swimming pool drain? (so sadder) Or when Parker Stevenson leave show? (maybe saddest of all!) If Agnes not know show, Cookie Monster highly recommend. Would be great way for Agnes to take mind off tough life where she left with only clothes on back and computer to send emails. Refugee camp where you staying get TV LAND? Sure hope so.

Me want to help, but can’t offer hospitality. Count be sleeping on Cookie Monster’s couch since Mrs. Count kick him out last month. Is very depressing. Every night, he cry himself to sleep hugging econo-size bottle of Jim Beam and singing old Transylvania folk songs. Would not be so bad if dere be more den two. Also, Count not exactly Rick Derringer. Sometime singing so bad Cookie Monster lie next to open window so sounds of next-door slaughterhouse drown out noise for more peaceful night sleep.

Sincerely,

Cookie Monster”
 

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