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September 27, 2008

Baron Destructo – Rita Kahl

Filed under: Baron Destructo - Rita Kahl — barondestructo @ 7:28 pm
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September 27, 2008

The other day, I received the following email:

“My new friend,

I am well pleased to contact you after going through your profile on my search for genuine relationship. I will like to be your good friend, please contact me.

I am waiting for your reply soon,

Rita“

Well, hot damn. I passed the message along to Baron Destructo who, coincidentally, has been playing matchmaker for a buddy of his. The Baron wrote back:

“Dearest Forlorn Human Wretch,

I am contacting you on behalf of an ally and fellow supercriminal who, not unlike yourself, has reached that point in life where he is no longer desirable to the opposite sex and thus seeks to cut his losses by settling down. In his search for a meaningful relationship, Glaxnor the Miscreant has tried various introduction services such as vdate (The Leading Villains Single Network!), eDisharmony, and RateMyRack – all to no avail. To date, he has yet to find his soulmate, that special someone with whom he can share in life’s joys: parenthood, long walks on the beach, the destruction of enemy forces. Could you be that someone?

Glaxnor is 8 foot 5, well-built, and considered not unhandsome by those who know him. Many have described him as an adorable mutant human-pitbull hybrid and a big puppy at heart. A big homicidal temperamental puppy. He is shy, kindhearted (often displaying great sensitivity in his rapid dismemberment of victims), is far from the stupidest member of our League of Aliens and Mutants for Evil (that distinction, of course, belongs to The Pummeler), and possesses of a singular sense of humor. His laugh is infectious. As are his various infections. Glaxnor’s interests include ballroom dancing, wholesale slaughter, and macramé. One day, he will make one lucky psychotic highly insecure woman a very happy wife. Could that psychotic highly insecure woman be you?

Glaxnor is for real. UB2.

Feel free to contact:

Glaxnor the Miscreant

c/o

BaronDestructo@yahoo.com

The League of Aliens and Mutants for Evil

Cc: Calamitous Jane, Sinderella Washington, Xxxaptak’qul, Dr. Catastro, Dr. Disastro, Dr. Quinn Meddlesome Woman, Ray Mephistopheles, Archfiend Animus, Brutus Badly, the Plague Zombies, Vorzik the Planet Squisher, the Malevolater, Count Sinister, Kugal Baruth, Death Knell, Star Father Celestio, Shatterdam, Princess Arcana, the Mystifier, the Procrastinator, the Soul Emancipator, Quickstrike, Professor Frosty, Flamer the Flaming Man, the Pummeler, the Purple Lamprey, and John Tesh.”

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