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December 11, 2008

Percival H. Lintmuffin – Kate William

Filed under: Percival H. Lintmuffin - Kate William — barondestructo @ 9:45 pm
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December 11, 2008

An email titled simply “THANKS” found its way into my inbox last week. Short and sweet, the message within read: “I have a new email address!” and it was signed Miss Kate William. Kate William? Do I know a Kate William? I don’t think so, but my alter-ego Percival H. Lintmuffin might. Lintmuffin wrote back:

“Dearest Kate,

Profusest of apologies but I seem to have misremembered where it was we met. My instincts tell me that it was at the StillLivingAtHomeWithMyMomCon’s Furry Meet-and-Greet-and-Orgy. I was Fleegle from the Banana Splits. I spent most of the evening at the bar, drinking peach daquiris and doing it with H.R. Pufnstuf. How about you? My guess is that you were either a womble or the pink french poodle fellating the aptly named Big Bird? Am I right?

Looking forward to hearing from you.

Sincerely,

Percival H. Lintmuffin”

It’s been so long since someone actually responded to my response to their spam mail that I didn’t even bother checking Lintmuffin’s yahoo account until this morning. And, lo and behold, dearest Kate had answered back:

“Dear Lintmuffin,

It was through the grace of god that we meet and enter into a business transaction. I am by profession from burkina faso,it’s just my urgent need for foreign partner that made me to contact you for this transaction. I have the opportunity of transfering the left over funds ($10.8million) of one of my bank clients who died along with his entire family,Hence,i am inviting you for a business deal where this money can be shared between us in the ratio of 60/30,.further details of the transfer will be forward to you…”

And she goes on to request Lintmuffin’s personal information to help seal the deal. Score! Lintmuffin wrote back:

Dearest Kate,

No, no. Now that I think of it, we didn’t meet through the grace of God but by way of an introduction from a Magilla Gorilla in leather suspenders and matching undershorts. That said, I would be delighted to assist you in your business transaction. Would it be possible to meet up at this year’s Leave-All-Your-Money-At-The-Door-And-Maybe-You-Can-Walk-Out-Of-Here-With-An-Autograph-Or-A-Commemorative-Plate-With-A-Picture-Of-The-Guy-Who-Played-Duke-Depalma-In-Team-Knight-Rider Con? I will be attending as Darwin, that lovable Bottlenose Dolphin from Seaquest. Let’s meet at the Manimal panel. I’m very excited about this one as it will bring together all of the show’s cast including the panther, snake and horse but not the hawk who, sadly, took his own life last summer.

See you there!

Sincerely,

Percival H. Lintmuffin”

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