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June 19, 2008

Aloysius P. Hazzencockle – Mr. Onuoha

Filed under: Aloysius P. Hazzencockle - Mr. Onuoha — barondestructo @ 8:44 pm
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March 24, 2008

One of my yahoo accounts received an email from a Mr. Onuoha, a representative of the International Monetary Fund, who wrote to inform me that a Western Union money transfer was earmarked for the owner of my email address. Of course the IMF, demonstrating the trademark prudence that typifies their organization, left Mr. Onuoha with very strict instructions. According to Mr. O: “ They said that they choose to send it to an email address instead of a name.” Aloysius P. Hazzencockle wrote back:

“Dear Mr. Onuoha,

Given the prevalence of fraud in our modern world, I applaud the IMF’s decision to send the sum of $750 000 USD “to an email address instead of a name”. After all, in this day and age it’s all too easy to generate a false alias whereas creating a dummy email account is a far more complicated matter that would only be attempted by the most resolute and tech-savvy of swindlers. Kudos to you and your associates who, by cold-contacting me in this matter, have proven yourselves cautious and vigilant, yet naively trusting and completely negligent.

Sleep well in the knowledge that the $750 000 USD will go toward improvements on the orphanage I run – and namely the addition of twelve new murder holes and a trebuchet for the wading pool.

Anxiously awaiting my big payday,

Aloysius P. Hazzencockle”

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