March 13, 2008

Aloysius P Hazzencockle – Hajia Mariam

Filed under: Aloysius P. Hazzencockle - Hajia Mariam — barondestructo @ 3:58 pm
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March 13, 2008 

One of my alternate yahoo accounts received an email from a Hajia Mariam, the widow of a Nigerian General, who was looking to for help in accessing the $12.6 million dollars her husband had left behind. Well, this was just the kind of offer Aloysius P. Hazzencockle was waiting for…

“Dear Hajia,

You have perfect timing! Due to some mysterious delays and unforeseen complications, I’ve been unable to access monies owed from my various lucrative side projects (my Irish Lottery winnings, my U.K. National Lottery winnings, my Ocean Blu Lottery winnings, my cut of a cash transfer from a bank in Burkina Faso, my cut of another cash transfer from another bank in Burkina Faso, my cut of a different cash transfer from a different bank – also in Burkina Faso, my Lottery Board winnings, my inheritances from several dying individuals who contacted me via the internet in their final days, my British National Lottery winnings, and, of course, the handsome sum I’ve been promised for helping a deposed Nigerian Prince relocate to Scottsbluff, Nebraska) and, in the interim, have fallen behind on my payments on the Orphan Castle/Cheap Labor Factory I operate. For the children of course. The money you are offering would go a long way toward ensuring the little tykes continue to have a roof over their heads, considerably less balsa wood shavings in their meatloaf supreme, and actual working respirators for those pesky asbestos clean-ups. It would also, incidentally, help me afford the onyx and pearl-inlaid gold-trimmed backgammon set I’ve been eyeing, as well as that new 2009 Ford Excessive (seats 12 and comes with a picnic table and a hibachi grill in the back!).

Get back to me!


Aloysius P. Hazzencockle”



  1. This is hilarious, especially having followed the other schemes that have been presented to you.

    And what’s even funnier is that you posted this on a day when Spam was an issue for me at work. See…we’ve got this spam filter which has been struggling lately and now…not only do we get the spam…but we get several warnings from the spam blocker WARNING us that the spam has been caught. So, now each day I get not only three or so spam messages but two message for every spam message warning me that a Viagra add was caught successfully by the filter.

    Sadly, I’ve not reached the point where I’m getting such lucrative offers. One can only hope! 🙂

    Comment by johnnugentjr — March 21, 2008 @ 2:17 am | Reply

  2. Hahahaha I copy-pasted your reply (I hope you don’t mind!!!) and sent it to one of the spammers who sent me a similar offer. She (I think she’s a she, anyway!!!) replied with this message:

    Dear [my real name, even though the letter is signed Aloysius P. Hazzencockle…scarey!!!]

    Thanks for your mail .First and formost I wish to let you know that the earlier you take away your mind from those promised monies from those people the better for your life and health ok .

    You see I am a woman like you thus can not decieve or tell you lies .We can recover all our lose and get better with this ok .Trust me God has made us meet for good .

    You see , my late husband is one of the top Government official in my Country Sudan .They were busy piling up monies in different places then and I was warning him .For this reason I am in exile in Nigeria todat suffering where as my late husbands millions of dollars are there in the SECURITY COMPANY wasting way untill I can claim them .Rrally I can not claim them now unless with an aid of somebody like you who is trust worthy and God fearing with the interest of others in the heart .

    With these statements if you feel you can help me out ,sure both of us will be rich in weeks to come .I am very sure of this and I can prove this to you beyond all reasonable doubt .

    So let me know if you can help me transfer those millions of dollars now so I can give you the details .

    Thanks ,

    Christy Lualua

    Comment by ytimynona — May 27, 2008 @ 11:57 am | Reply

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