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February 13, 2008

Florence Shezzledap – Mr. Addo

Filed under: Florence Shezzledap - Mr. Addo — barondestructo @ 4:29 am
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August 20, 2007

I received good news from John Yaw Addo in Ghana who contacted me with a business proposal that could net me a cool $6.5 million. $6.5 million! I’d be an idiot to pass that up. I responded –

“Dearest Mr. Addo,

Oh, goodness me, your email couldn’t have arrived at a better time as my senior ladies acapella club was just in the process of planning its very first group vacation. This year, we were considering somewhere strange, exotic and maybe even a little dangerous that could offer up the authentic taste of a foreign culture like, say, our local Chinatown. Well, after receiving your email and doing a little research, we decided “What the hey!“ and secured a terrific deal on a group rate to Ghana. So the good news is you’ll get to meet me! And the even better news is you’ll have two weeks to do it as Francine, Edith, Abigail, Hortensia, Prudeth, and I will require accommodations while we’re in town. Not to worry. All we need is somewhere to sleep, eat, and leave our cash and valuables when we go out for the day to tour the pyramids. Also, FYI when it comes to preparing meals, Edith and Hortensia follow strict gluten-free diets. Francine and Prudeth, on the other hand, follow strict gluten-only diets. Abigail and I can eat pretty much anything so long as it doesn’t contain flour, dairy, or any fruit or vegetable with a repeating vowel (ie. tomatoes). Be as creative as you like and, on the odd days you don’t feel like cooking, we’d be delighted to treat you at the nearest Denny’s.

As our departure day is fast-approaching, would you be so kind as to send us your address and phone number so that we may plan accordingly,

Looking forward to borrowing your car,

Florence Shezzledap”

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